A letter to my younger Brother...

My brother wrote me a letter reguarding sexuality that I responded to in this manner.

I want to give you some sage advise. I want to be able to tell you exactly what it is that you want to hear. I want for you to know what I have learned. I want you to know what I know nothing about. I want for you to know the truth whatever that is.

The truth that I know right now is that there is no answer. Was I born Gay? Was I made Gay by other people? Did something my mother do make me Gay? Was it because she was too nurturing or not nurturing enough? Was it because my Father was distant or too close? Was it because the stars were in the wrong place at the wrong time, or maybe the right place at the right time? And the ever big one, Does God want me to be the way that I am? Did he make me this way? Does God love me the way that I am? Does God love me?

I have been on a Journey for the answers to these questions. I have looked for answers in every major religion, every spiritual teacher that I have found I have searched for these seemingly critical answers. No one is able to answer these questions. No one has been able to satisfy the need for this search. And I don't think that anyone ever will.

I honestly feel that no one has an answer for this. That we won't ever find an answer to this question in this life. I feel that it is something that everyone needs to find for themselves. I can only tell you what I have found for myself and hope that that in some way helps you find these answers for yourself.

I believe that I was born Gay. I have don't know for sure if I was made gay by God or if it was a choice before I came to this earth. I have found clues that I have formed a belief in. I believe in Past Lives. I believe that the first Life that I had on this planet was in the Egyptian times of the Pharoes. I can see images of this life like they are memories from this life itself. In that life I was also Gay. I had a partner that I believe decided to stay with me as a Guide, whom I speak to often now that I have discovered this. I have also seen a Future life progression in which I will also be Gay. This is something that gives me hope. This is something that makes me feel like I am not making up these feelings. Now some people would argue that those are all Halucinations and that my subconcious is making them up to make me feel good about my life. I don't know. But thank god for it if it is, because I needed to feel good about it.

Many people also think that Homosexuality is a relatively new thing. That our society is so perverted that that is the reason that there are Gay people on the earth. These are the same people who think that the problems of today are so much greater than ever in the history of man kind. That we have gone so far down the shit hole that we have to be destroyed sooner or later. So with that in mind I went into history pretty hard to find out the truth. What I have found is that Homosexuality has roots right down into the core of Human Kind. Throughout History Homosexuals have been very prevalent. The Greeks the Romans the Egyptians were mostly all ok with all types of sexualities throughout their History. In fact in some parts of History in some parts of the world it was very in fashion to have a Homosexual partner. You can find Homosexuals in any part of the world and in any time period just as prevelant as we are today. The reason that most of us don't know about it is that the people who write the history books these days tend to be biased by their own beliefs. And this world, especially the West, has been dominated by a very narow view of what is allowed in expresions of love, mostly because of Judaeo/Christian/Islamic Views.

I can get more into both of those subjects if you want but it really is more of a discussion material rather than the material for a letter, or a book, that I am currently writing.

Neway...

Based on my findings through 10 years (since I was 14) of searching, I have come to some conclusions that don't tend to be the Normal Ideas on life and also are pure belief as I have absolutely nothing to back them up but conjecture and prayer.

I believe that I am Gay. I believe that I find the Male form more apealing sexually than the Female one. I believe that I find the Female form sexually apealing sometimes as well, I just find the male form more apealing. I believe that I was born this way. I believe that I am Normal. I believe that God loves and accepts me just the way that I am and it is perfectly normal and part of his all encompasing plan. I believe that we are all not either Gay, Straight, or Bi, but somewhere on a spectrum that isn't even a straight line but in a circular pattern. I believe that we are all evolving to love each other not as Male or Female, Gay or Straight, Masculine or Feminine, but as Human Beings.

These are things that I believe.

I know, however, that because of these beliefs I am happy. Because of these beliefs I feel that my life has purpose and joy. I know that if I base my joy and hapiness off of someone else's belief system that always brings me suffering and sorrow.

I know that I am happy.

Everything else is trivial after that.

Love
dlb

I hope that it helps him.

dlb