Well Today is the Day

Here it is...

I am moving back to NY today

I am almost completely packed and just waiting for a few more things to get out of the Wash. I can't believe that it is here. I am a little Nervous.

I always put up a really brave front, and say that I am not afraid of Change and that there is nothing scary about going off to another part of the Country to live. but every time I go it gets harder to leave. The first year I don't know if I just didn't realize what it actually meant to leave. But I had absolutely no problem leaving behind Utah and getting out to "see the world". The second time I was just fine except when I was in the Van with my mother waiting for the Train to get there I got a pain in my chest like oh crap I am leaving her for a long while. This time it started way earlier. I can take my mind off it and keep busy and then it isn't so bad. but I still am sad and scared to leave here. Funny how I hate Utah and never can wait to get out of here, and now I am scared of the change.

But really I am just really sad to be leaving my family. I will miss them a great deal. I always say that I would be living the perfect life if I had my family and Omega in the Same place.

I am alot closer to them than I have been in a long while. I don't know if it's just because I feel different now that there isn't this big wall surrounding me called the "closet" or if they have been trying harder to get to know me. or if it is both. But I have noticed a definate difference. Oh my parents still wish that I am "normal" I am sure, and my father never wastes a chance to put some literature under my nose or ask me if I am ever going back to church, or things like that. But I just chalk that up to it's how he shows that he loves me. So all in all things are really great here. I still hate Utah though. so this is kindof bitter sweet.

this time of my winter is spent with people asking about Omega, I don't know what it is about Omega that people can't grasp what we do there. but Ihave to explain it at least twelve times before anyone understands at all. and even then they really don't understand what goes on there.

Then there is always the inevitable Grandparents attack. this came on Wednesday of this week. I am always half expecting an attack from them, whenever they are around. This visit wasn't much different. except for the directness of it all. My grandpa came in first and while my grandmother stayed in the car. and laid into me almost immediately. How I needed to do something fo myself for a "change" and get the Melchezidek priesthood. I loved the wording that he used to make it seem that I was not doing the things I was doing for myself and am being somehow run by the whims of Society. I bit my tongue. It sounded more like he was saying, stop doing something for yourself and start leading your life the way that me and my church have laid in front of you. then My grandmother came in and started in on how I should be married and getting ready to start a family. They then told my younger brother brandon how he shouldn't follow in my path and should instead follow in James Path. I have joked about being the Black Sheep in the family for a couple of years, but now it is official. Good to know.

NE way...

That didn't make me want to stay in Utah very much.

NE way...

I should go. I need to do... something.... I am sure... I must have something to do.

love ya Utah
dlb