My Dipstick

I find it interesting to go and see old friends. It is fascinating. I just went to see an old friend of mine from Junior High School through High School that I haven't seen in about 3 years because of this that and the other thing. It is amazing, I almost feel like I can use them as a Gauge of where I am in my life. I mean ... She has a husband and 2 kids, she is my age, 24, but she hasn't changed. She probably wont change much for the rest of her life. She will just keep on being the same old person. Which is a really good dipstick for me to test my changes and the way that I look at the world differently.

It was almost like we spoke a different language. I mean I was sitting there playing with their older child and the husband interupts to start talking about a car that he thought was cool that they decided to start making again. What the Hell? Do I look like I care? I mean what is going on with them, that is the best Cocktail talk He can come up with? I mean, I don't want to disrespect him and the way that they run their lives but I just got a brief glimpse into their souls while I was sitting in their living room and they are bored. They don't want to tackle the tough challenges that life has to offer (I am not saying that raising 2 children isn't a challenge). I feel like they almost live their lives so as not to feel that the missing parts are missing. The only thing that they find rewarding (This is based on the Intuitive hits I got from them) is their children, and so I found the children the most interesting. and all they wanted to do was subvert me from the kids into what they thought real life was all about, Cars, DVD's, and impressing me with their "lifestyle". Thank god these two created enough Drama to get them through so far or else they might not have made it through to be married this long. (or maybe not thank god so much) I mean is this what life is? This goes back to my earlier post about the Suicide that happened last year at the Orthodontist by where I work at the Kidney Foundation. Are we here just to procreate? by the hits I was getting in that house, NO! Life has goto include more than that, well at least for me. And that is what scares me the most. That I used to feel that way. I used to want just that. That was my Goal. Again, I want to clarify, I don't think that getting married and having a kid is Bad or wronge. I think that it is great. I can't wait to have both. I just don't think that that is the goal any longer. I don't think that there is a Goal and that is where i think the void came from in that family. I think that they grew up, like me with the expectation that marraige and a family are the end. Finish line. You win. all your problems are done and now you can relax. and I still find this Idea Romantic and apealing. But there is no finish line in this game that we call life. I mean come on people. you can find happy people and unhappy people leading everysort of lifestyle that you find out there. I don't think that there is a right, or a wronge lifestyle out there for me or for anyone to acheive. I think that is where alot of suffering comes from. so once again I have to step back and realize that I like my life the way that it is. I don't have to justify the way that I live it to anyone else. I don't even have to explain it. All I have to do is keep on testing myself to see if I am happy. If I am Great! Keep doing it. If I am not, Oh well. lets try something new. and never try to cover the unhappiness with stuff and boredom ever again.
dlb