Thoughts on being 100% "Out"...

I am out of the closet.

That is a broad statement that can be acurate and also not acurate based on who you are around and who you are talking to. I mean, my parents know, my siblings know (even though I haven't told some of them I know that they know), all of my co-workers all know in both jobs that I have here and in NY, and all of my friends that I see on a regular basis all know.

Again I say... I am out.


I then need to look at it from another perspective.

My Grandparents don't know that I am out. I think that maybe my parents have told them but I have never and so that just leaves them to live in denial and at family gatherings push for their little idea of what a good home life should be. i.e. I should get married and go back to church etc...

Some of my friends don't know that I am Gay. Like my friend that I just told you about in the Dipstick post, she doesn't have any clue that I am out.

And then there is the attitude that I have about it that changes whenever I am around others. For example, I never talk about it with my parents. They don't ask and I don't tell. Not that I think that they will shun me now, but I don't like rubbing it into their faces. They, and the rest of society think that it is somehow their fault and I don't like that idea so I don't rub it in.

And I have the same attitude with my job in Utah. I don't check on websites that might offend someone at work just because it has a Gay content and I don't talk about it at all.

I also am careful of who I tell about this website. I don't want some people on here in case they find the content offensive. Some people don't like seeing Nudity and others don't like seeing Gay content period.


Oh that I could be that out!!

I mean, not that I would do something like this... well ... maybe I would to have some fun, but I am not a very flambouyant person. I don't like to Flame all over people. I just wish that I could be myself in front of everyone I am around.

I know that this is a choice of mine. No one is making me choose to act different. And so I should just buck up and live with my choices until I choose to change.

I just think that it is interesting that there isn't a finish line. I will always have to Choose to come out again and again, everytime I meet someone. There will probably never be a time in my life where people will just know and accept when they meet me and so that leaves room for me to Curve my actions and words to hide and let them be in denial.

Don't get me wrong. I am proud of myself and of how far I have come in the battle against Homophobia. I just see now that it is unending. I will always have to Come out, over and over again. It is sometimes exausting and sometimes fun because I can teach and inform.

NE way...

Here is another crystal for the hope that Humanity will soon find it in their hearts to live and let live... And for the hope that all us Fags get the balls to not let it be easy for people to live in Denial.



dlb